Why do kids talk to adults in disrespectful ways?

The answer to this question depends on the age group you are talking about. For the purpose of this writing we will address this in general terms. So let's start from the beginning.

Children do not know how to deal with their feelings and often do not even know what they are. Because of this fact children will revert to behaviors observed by the people around them when similar circumstances have occurred. They will also use these behaviors imitating what they have observed in order to find out what works to either get them what they want or be accepted.
Basically here we are talking about family behavior patterns.

For example: when a child has seen someone in the family, usually mom or dad, drop and break something and then respond with an outburst, swear or even be silently upset the child has just learned what you do when you drop and break something.
What has just occurred is the child has unconsciously recorded these behaviors and options of what to do when you drop and break something. So in the future when a child drops something and it breaks they respond with either an outburst, swearing or being silently upset. Often times it comes out of the blue and you as the parent will think or say “I don't know where they got that behavior”. This is because you as the parent react to automatically in ways that you are not even aware of but the child records everything that you do.
To sum this up we would like to say, everything you do, say and feel is recorded unconsciously by your child. Your child at some random age will draw upon these unconscious memories and react to the situation with the behaviors they have witnessed. Often times this is to the surprise of the parents.
Another piece to this is, the child may put their own personal spin on those behaviors. This may cause the behaviors they are exhibiting to be unrecognizable by the parents.

For example: your two-year-old child has done something you dislike and you respond by suppressing your anger and talking through your teeth firmly yet appearing not to yell. Yet silently and feeling wise you have yelled at your child. For the sake of this example we will assume that you have continued the same behavior.
 At age of 10 you have done something that has displeased your child and they yell at you “I hate you mom” or “god mom that was stupid”. The typical parent would be surprised and offended that their child was yelling at them.
What has gone unrecognizable was that when the child displeased the parent the parent let them know with feeling but without yelling and the parent assumed that the child did not notice the same communication. All that has happened is that the child has taken the suppressed displeasure and verbalized it.

The moral to this story is “you reap what you sow”.

In other words the way you behave and the feelings you convey are intuitively and cognitively understood and felt by your child. These were the examples of how to behave and react in any given situation and your child is simply repeating them.

Children do not invent behaviors they simply imitate and modify behaviors. Parents should be aware of their behaviors and feelings and know that they convey these to their children and someday their children will mirror them back to them. If you are aware of this you will know where their behaviors have come from. If you are a self aware parent you hopefully will have corrected your behaviors and feelings that are inappropriate or unkind and you will be able to instruct your child on how to change theirs.

Loving care of yourself as a parent will make you a loving caring parent.

We hope these articles help and as always all questions and comments are welcome.

Parenting the Unique Child

Unique children that we are referring to here have difficulties in such areas as socializing, feeling like they fit in, see things that aren't there, have extrasensory abilities. But have also been labeled as indigo children, as having attention deficit disorder, Asperger's syndrome, pervasive developmental disorder, emotional challenges, sensory integration disorder and a long list of acronyms.

You as their parent need to understand them and need to have tools in order to help them. This will make your life and theirs much easier. These children do not understand themselves. They do not understand why they are having difficulties in their world. These children need help in understanding in order to be able to become fully functional in their world.

We have personally raised several of these types of children and have spent the last 15 years working with them and their parents in order to understand themselves and teaching them to be functional in today's world. This process at times can take a lot of energy and focus. Answers are available but you must have the dedication to see them through. Traditional methods are not enough yet they do assist.

We currently run camps, consult with schools and teach parenting classes. Making changes is a process and does take time and patience. Each child progresses individually at their own pace so there is no blanket formula but there is a common theme in assisting each child.

This blog is for you to write questions and suggestions to other parents who have unique children. Your child does not need one of these famous acronyms in order for you to have unique child. Many of these children fly just below the radar/fall between the cracks and are not labeled but still have many of the same challenges.
This blog is for you, please take advantage of it and share it with everyone you can, so that we can get the word out to the world.