Behaviors are something learned. A young child does not come into the world with behavior patterns. A child will observe and intuitively feel their world, then they will take their own interpretation of what they have seen and felt to create their own modified version of the behaviors observed. They simply see the important people in their world behaving certain ways and mimic them with their own modifications.Sometimes they will directly mimic the behaviors, these are easier to identify.
- The child does this without consciously knowing what they are doing or the effects of their behaviors.
- A child seldom really understands the definition of the words you use!
- If you don"t believe this ask them to define the words in question. (see if their definition matches the dictionary)
Some of this is commonly understood in the psychology field but not often used in "real life".
The most important aspect that is missing in this is that:
- Children mimic, react to and interpret the feelings in their environment also.
If a child is in a hostile environment they will quite often respond accordingly.
For example:
A mother and father are having trouble in their relationship. The mother and father are quite often hostile toward each other. The mother yells and screams and the father quietly takes digs and emotional potshots at the mother.
The child witnesses this growing up. At about the age of five the child begins to yell at the father and the father quietly is cold or distant from the child, allowing the child to perceive that the father doesn't love them.
At about the same age the child does not yell at the mother but begins to act out behaviorally when with the mother. And gets to perceive that the mother yelling at them means they are not loved.
Now even though both parents say they love them there is this silent treatment by the father and the yelling treatment by the mother which continually reinforces the child's misinterpretation that they are not loved. Now anytime the child feels not loved or disregarded the child will either act out or yell.
The child begins to develop these behaviors based upon their interpretation and feeling of their environment even though the parents in the beginning never directly did this with the child. although now as the child gets older the parents,without noticing, begin to treat the child like they do each other.this then has long term consequences on the child's life in all their relationships.
A child early on in life does not have the ability to reason or discern the difference between the behaviors and feelings of their environment. Nor do they have the ability to understand the people in it or interpret their environment appropriately.
They will create an inaccurate interpretation based upon the feelings they have in their environment and then create beliefs from that. Then they will use the behaviors they have witnessed as a way to deal with and handle their feelings and their perceptions of their environment and life.
Home
It is the total environment of the home that creates the foundation of a child's behaviors and personality. It is not simply witnessing behaviors, instruction or being told what to do that creates a child's personality and future. Again the key factor here is the feeling of the environment.
The feeling of the environment combined with the appropriate direction and instruction creates an emotionally and functionally healthy child.
- A child raised in a neutral or non-loving home with proper instruction and direction will be a dysfunctional child.
- A child raised in a loving home without proper direction and instruction still creates a dysfunctional child.
For a child to be emotionally and functionally healthy they must be raised in a patient, tolerant and loving environment and then given the proper direction and instructions on how to be a healthy human being.
- Your child feels if you love them.
- Saying it is not enough.
Love Your Child enough to be aware of their feelings and yours!
As always comments and questions are most welcome.
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