Bullying - Part Two

Often times children considered bullies are provoked by the children who are seen as being bullied. All too often adults are on guard for the bullies but not aware of the provocation that takes place prior to the bullying incident.
Children with poor social skills often inadvertently do things that provoke bullies into acting out on their angry and appearing aggressive behavior.
A child with poor social skills unaware of his physical body and his behaviors for example may: get up from his chair put on his coat, while putting on his coat slaps the bully in the face with the sleeve. Later in the day the same child runs through the room stepping on the bully's foot. Now the bully reacts, pushes the child down maybe even hits them. The teacher or adult sees the bully hitting the child and then punishes the bully.
What's missed here is the previous incidences that occurred prior to the bully hitting the child. It is not that you the adult can be aware of everything at all times. You must however look at the big picture and be aware of the personality of both the bully and the bullied child. In the above example this punishment reinforces to the bully that life is not fair and he must fight for himself. What is reinforced for the bullied child is that someone will protect him in spite of the lack of awareness of his behaviors. This also reinforces the possibility that he will be bullied again because he has not been taught to be conscious of his behaviors and how his behaviors affect him directly.
More in part three

Bullying - Part One

Bullying is an interesting subject when it comes to children. We have been watching bullying since her children were little and now we watch it occur in our nonprofit organization Teamwork Wins LTD.

One of our children in particular got bullied. Why did this happen? From our experience a major reason is the attitude of the person being bullied. Let's take for an example, a four-year-old wanting something from appear, wanting them to play or wanting a toy that their peers playing with. The child who appears to be the bully is no different than an adult who is a sales person and wants a sale so badly they will stop at nothing until they close the sale. The question here is will the buyer give in to the salespersons seeming aggression.

This same question can be paralleled with the child that is appearing to be bullied. Will the child be able to express what they want and say no I do not want to share my toy right now or will they give in and do with the bully wants? At this point is where the child decides unconsciously or consciously whether they are going to be a victim to the bully or are they going to be an individual could say what they feels and take a stance because they believe enough in what they want. This is not to say that a child should become aggressive themselves, although they do have the right to defend themselves. Inner feelings of a child that would assist in this would be feelings like, I care enough about myself and what I want to express myself and it is perfectly natural and fine for me to feel this way.

It is so very important for you to teach your child to respect themselves first and foremost and then to be respectful of others. If you teach your child to be respectful of others first then they will always come second and will become more susceptible to bullying. This does not mean that they should avoid the rules and avoid proper social behaviors. There is a fine line between social behaviors and respecting others before you respect yourself.

 Bullies use many different styles and techniques from yelling to the silent treatment to physical aggression. Bullies come in all different shapes and sizes from child to adult, from large bodies to tiny bodies. For example we have seen even the tiniest little child bully their parents in order to get their way.

At Teamwork Wins LTD we teach children and parents about expressing what they want and how to get it without becoming a bully. We also teach them what is acceptable from others so you won't ever appear or feel bullied. We work with both the bullied child and the bully both deserve the right to have a good and healthy life and it is so important that they both learn these skills.

Parenting the Unique Child

Unique children that we are referring to here have difficulties in such areas as socializing, feeling like they fit in, see things that aren't there, have extrasensory abilities. But have also been labeled as indigo children, as having attention deficit disorder, Asperger's syndrome, pervasive developmental disorder, emotional challenges, sensory integration disorder and a long list of acronyms.

You as their parent need to understand them and need to have tools in order to help them. This will make your life and theirs much easier. These children do not understand themselves. They do not understand why they are having difficulties in their world. These children need help in understanding in order to be able to become fully functional in their world.

We have personally raised several of these types of children and have spent the last 15 years working with them and their parents in order to understand themselves and teaching them to be functional in today's world. This process at times can take a lot of energy and focus. Answers are available but you must have the dedication to see them through. Traditional methods are not enough yet they do assist.

We currently run camps, consult with schools and teach parenting classes. Making changes is a process and does take time and patience. Each child progresses individually at their own pace so there is no blanket formula but there is a common theme in assisting each child.

This blog is for you to write questions and suggestions to other parents who have unique children. Your child does not need one of these famous acronyms in order for you to have unique child. Many of these children fly just below the radar/fall between the cracks and are not labeled but still have many of the same challenges.
This blog is for you, please take advantage of it and share it with everyone you can, so that we can get the word out to the world.